{Things Not To Say To A Newlywed}

I've been holding these feelings in for quite a while and I am sure that a lot of you newlywed girls can agree with  me on these. (Not directed at anyone in particular. These have been said to me numerous times)

1. You're married at 20? Good luck with that!

Even though this is said kind of jokingly, it is still super rude to say. It is usually said in a super sarcastic way with the person hinting at you that getting married young is a mistake. Recently, I had a coworker say this to me, but he actually said it in a nice way that I didn't have a problem with. I had heard it a million times from other people, so when he said it, I was kinda like "yeah, yeah, whatever". But then he stopped me and told me the story of him and his ex-wife. At the end, he told me that he really wishes he could have kept making their marriage work, but it just ended for them. He said he really did mean "Good Luck" to me in a nice way and that he hoped my marriage would be full of happiness. THAT is the only exception here. 

2. You know, 50% of marriages end in divorce. 

You know what? I don't think it's exactly 50% of marriages and plus, it doesn't mean that our marriage will end in divorce. And I think that it is completely unnecessary to say that to someone who is recently married or plan on getting married. In all reality here, how many marriages do people go into thinking, "I'm probably going to end up divorcing them in 10 years?" I don't think many. It just kind of happens after time and with reasons behind it. And also, just because I'm married young, doesn't necessarily mean I am more likely to get a divorce.  

3. When are you having kids?

Probably not for a couple years unless God plans differently for us. Mike and I want to spend the first couple years of our marriage as just us. We like going out on Friday nights as a newlywed couple and not having to worry about finding a babysitter. We like sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday mornings and not having to get up to take care of the kids. We like randomly going places and not having to strap the baby in the car seat or deal with them throwing a fit at the store or restaurant. We are newlyweds. And I don't really want to have a kid right away. I'm not saying anything is wrong with having kids at a young age or right when you get married, it's just not for me. 

4. You'll understand when you have kids.

This one especially eats at me. Most of the time when this is said to me, it's something that I ALREADY DO understand and is probably a reason that I don't want kids at this exact moment in my life. I have babysat kids for the past 9 years of my life. Believe me, I have watched so many kids in my lifetime that I think I know every childish stereotype there is. And I'm not saying that being a babysitter and nanny is the same thing as being a mother, because it's not. They are very different, but actually very similar in a lot of ways. And yes, I may not know exactly what you are going through with your kids or the feelings that you feel, but I definitely "understand". I have heard several times from parents that they were up all night because their kid didn't want to go to bed, and when I make any comment back, I will get the "You'll understand when you have kids" phrase. My opinion is-tell them to get their butt to bed. Personally, that's how I grew up. When I was 5 years old, I don't ever remember staying up as long as I wanted playing just because "I wanted to". If I didn't want to go to bed, too bad for me. I went to bed anyways. I was five. And I think it is absolutely ridiculous for some parents to let their kids be the boss of them just because they want to be the "fun parent" or they're just "too nice". Be the boss of your five year old and make them go to sleep.

5. You'll be different once you're married for a long time

Actually, I won't be. I will ALWAYS love my sweet husband and I will ALWAYS try to go out of my way to make him happy. I will always cuddle up on him. I will always kiss him in public. I will always give him holiday gifts (yes, even Easter and St. Patrick's Day). I will always want to sit next to him. I will always want to look cute on "date night" with him. You choose whether you change or not. You choose whether you want to be affectionate or not. Mike and I are both affectionate people. We love being next to each other and we love just loving each other. And I don't think that will ever change. Recently, I left this note for Mike to see when he got home from work:

Some people thought it was super sweet and a super cute idea. Some people thought I was just being sarcastic. And some people said that "it will be different once you're married for a while". I love writing Mike randomly cute notes for him to find and read and I won't ever stop doing that. I won't ever stop writing a simple "I Love You" on his napkin when I pack him a lunch for work. I won't ever stop doing those things, even when we're married for a long time. I will always love him and I think that our love will even grow stronger the longer we're married.